i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
