I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
