What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
