did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
