i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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