Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
