her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
