He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
