My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
