True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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