my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
