I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
