Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Barsexuality is the new black.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
