no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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