i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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