Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
