Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
