Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
