ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
