Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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