I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
