don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
