Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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