please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
