I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
