Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Randomize