we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
