smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
