I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
