I am in a vortex of obligation.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
