Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
