you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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