My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
