he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
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ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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