So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
