im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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