Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
