last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
