do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
