: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
