Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
