What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
