tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My liver just had a heart attack.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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