Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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