we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
