you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
