We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
