The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
