I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
