i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
