I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
