I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
