i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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