He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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