yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
