i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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