Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
