he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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