I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this boner is exhausting
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
