Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
