over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
