we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
