just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I love having hate sex.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
