This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
