So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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