look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
