He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
