You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
pray to the hookup gods
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
