He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
