I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
