I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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