I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
